NoGodBlog.com

Whoa...the french is freaking me out. I thought my internet was broken for a second, then I saw the canadian flag.

Anyways, I guess I've been an atheist as long as I can remember. I never really believed in god, I just didn't realize that it was actually atheism until I was about 12. My dad has always been an atheist, and my mom has always been a xtian (hence the divorce).

I always questioned the church and the bible and got either no answer or some crap answer that wasn't good enough for me. I suppose the real "point of no return" came in freshmen year biology, when my teacher, Mr. Dunn, finally gave me a complete and non-biased definition of evolution by natural selection. I just couldn't deny that it was true.

After the years of resentment and discrimination for xtians, especially mormons, I became fed up completely with all religion, since in the churches eyes, this type of hate is o.k. So here I am now. I didn't find out about American Atheists or the NoGodBlog until this year, and it feels good that I'm not so alone anymore.

typo correction time! that should be "After years of resentment and discrimination FROM xtians

Well... I never was really religous at all, but I guess the defining moment was when someone mentioned something about God to me and I sat down and thought about everything. Then I read the bible, and that only helped me to reject it. That was when I was, oh, maybe 10 or 11. I also only found out about this blog and AA recently.

Q'est ce que la Francias? I hope that's coherent. Mine was a gradual process that started about age 12, due to bands that I liked that were critical of xtianity (a totally unheard of thing to do where I grew up), I became skeptical, learned more about biology, physics, and presto, science wins (and therefore atheism).

I was raised in the average suburban Christian sect and had never even imagined the possibility that God didn't exist, because I was never exposed to it. One day, though, when I was around 13 or 14, as I was watching some show on television, one of the characters said something along the lines of, "I'm not even sure there is a God." Everything made a lot more sense, after I heard that.

whoa! This is interesting! My french teacher would be so proud (Incidentally, she was a nun ).

Stay tuned -- maybe we'll be in German next! Achtung!

I was always advised to never believe anything I read and only half of what I see. A bit on the extreem side of thinking, maybe, but I think that is why I always questioned and doubted bible stories and the god behind them all. Logic and reason. I'm not a rocket scientist, but I have a mind of my own and I use it. I was born an atheist and realized that I was one when I was about 15.

Here's the short of it:

I was born and raised Mormon, brainwashed like a good Mormon child - baptised at 8, the usual.

A couple things that stand out, though. First off, I always felt uncomfortable praying. I never knew if I was getting a response and always thought I wasn't listening correctly. Second off, I hated church. It seemed so pointless and I would go through any length to avoid it.

The big one that really threw me was when I was 12 - I was ordained (I think that's the word) head of the deacons (they pass out the water/bread) and told to choose my second in command. So, I prayed and prayed and prayed aaaand nothing. So I ended up choosing a kid named Kaleb only because I was afraid to choose my best friend David (I though they'd figure God didn't speak to me). It was then that I really noticed things weren't right.

Later at the age of 12, my mother pulled us (my two brothers and little sister) out of the church because they weren't supporting my mother when something happened between my little sister and (then) stepfather. I'd rather not go into it, but it's something that makes me want to hunt him down and beat him into a pulp.

Anyways, that was my out. My mother turned into a born-again and dragged most of the family with her but I did everything I could to avoid church and eventually weasled out of it altogether.

From there, extensive reading and "soul-searching". I read about all forms of christianity, tired out buddhism.. found nothing. Turned out I didn't have a soul.

So here I am, an atheist. A strong atheist, actually. I know my closest younger brother (he's now 17, I'm 20) is as wel and I believe my older brother (22) is at least an agnostic. My goal in life is to save my little sister (12) from the brain-washing clutches of my controlling mother.

But that's how I lost my faith and gained a good deal of common sense :D

I was reading a book about Michelangelo, I think it was. Somehow, it got around to someone thinking that God didn't exist. I learned a bit about biology, geology, got the date of the flood story (I'd assumed it was just so long ago everyone had forgotten, not in the middle of the Yao Dynasty!), and realized that none of it's true. Didn't take very long to figure out. I don't think I ever really explored any other religion, after I realized there was a natural explanation to everything...though I think I might have made a great Buddhist:)

Wow, you all found reason at much younger ages than I did.

I was raised in a southern Baptist family, by my father, who was a minister. He also worked in the oil field, so we moved around Texas a bit. My most memorable years were spent in Odessa, Lubbock, and on my grandparents farm in Comanche.
I was taken to church my entire life, did Bible study, church camp, all of it. I even led Bible study classes in my late teens.
I had doubts as to the truth of the Bible, but I knew that I was a sinner for having them, and felt a LOT of guilt about it.
My first marraige was to a Christian, and our daughter was baptised. I took her to church until we moved to Dallas. My marraige ended shortly after that, and I began dating.
I eventually met a wonderful guy, and one day, I don't even know how it happened, but it came out that he was an atheist. I was shocked, since he was such a great guy and I had really gotten to like him. hahaha
Anyway, I asked him how he could NOT believe in God, and he asked me why I did. When I realized that my only answer was "that's what I was taught", I couldn't even say it out loud.
It sort of gave me permission to question my beliefs, and really opened my mind.
That was about 9 years ago, and we've been married for 6 1/2.

Dan: as much as you'd like to beat the step-dad into a pulp and save your sister from your controlling mother, it sounds like she may need to be saved from the demons she must have lurking about from what ever happened years ago. If the only help she's had is your mother and religion, then she (and maybe your mom) are likely carrying alot of issues.

My family has never been particularly religious (It's pretty much the standard English version of Christianity where they call themselves Christians but never go to church, don't believe anything much from the Bible beyond the basic idea that there's a loving God somewhere and will accept science over mythology whenever they come into comflict). Despite this, as a child I was sent to Sunday School and to a C of E primary school.

At first I accepted what I was told without question but after a while I started to have doubts. I think the first thing that really got me thinking was the "First Cause" argument, you know: "Nothing can occur without a cause so there must be a God which wasn't caused by anything". This seemed like such a blatantly illogical argument (It still sounds to me like a joke from a Terry Pratchett novel) that it got me thinking about all the other things I'd been told and I realised that there was never any evidence behind them beyond "It's written in the Bible". Naturally, there was only one real step from here and at the age of about seven or eight I read the Bible objectively - even at that age I could see the contradictions and unbelievable claims and realise that just because something is written in a book doesn't mean it actually happened. After that there was no turning back, I've been an atheist ever since and have never looked like changing.

I grew up with almost no religious influence in an affluent Massachusetts suburb. Due to a steady diet of American media, I was exposed to the ideas of god, jesus, and the christian afterlife as if they were fact, but other than that I received no indoctrination. The only remotely christian activity for my family was christmas, but it was the Santa Clause version that focused on being with family and exchanging gifts. I knew some of my friends went to church, but it wasn't something we ever talked about. I remember feeling a little left out by not having a religion of my own and wanting to be a Scientologist because of my fondness for science. One night before bed, I asked my mom, who has since become a Buddhist, why we didn't go to church like my friends. She told me that going to church wasn't that important because believing in god was all that mattered in the end, which at the time made it seem like god had self esteem issues. A few weeks later, she took me to church with some of her Korean friends. It would be the only time I ever attended church, and I slept through most of it. A couple years later, I asked my father about heaven and hell. He told me that people believe a lot of things about the afterlife but that it would be in my best interests to treat my time on Earth as if it's the only time I would ever get because it is the only time that we can be sure of. It was the best advice he ever gave me.

Without much parental indoctrination to obscure my objectivity, I recognized in my teens that all religions are pretty much the same bullshit: holy men offering perceived immortality in exchange for money and power. For me, nothing could have been more obvious. My worldview wasn't built on the assumption that a particular god is the only answer, so it was easy to recognize mythology for what it is. When I finally left the nest and to attend college, I had still never given much thought to religion. I certainly didn't believe any of it, but I also naively thought that most people knew deep down that it was all just stories. When I got to my college, a school that focuses on science and engineering, I was shocked to find out that some of my fellow students actually believed that jesus was really the son of god. It absolutely blew my mind that people smart enough to get in could not only believe in god, but the jesus myth too. It was at that point that I first started referring to myself as agnostic. I didn't want to insult the beliefs of my new friends, and I couldn't definitively prove them wrong, so I decided to remain neutral. That was my official stance for a while, but after living next door to the Church of $cientology for four years, almost dying in a car crash, and watching the rise of the neo cons, I realized that it was time to stop sitting on the fence. Over many sleepless nights, I seriously thought about the nature of faith and what an objective person can logically believe. One otherwise ordinary day, it finally donned on me that there was no good reason to continue to withhold judgment about god. I realized that I shouldn't pretend that there is any kind of reasonable chance that something as impossible as a god can exist in order to avoid confrontation. Other than this blog, I don't broadcast my atheism very much, but when someone asks for my opinion, I don't soften the blow by hiding behind agnosticism anymore. I tell them that science is mankind’s best tool for learning the truths of the universe and that I don't think anything supernatural, including god, can exist. If they get offended and start arguing or throwing insults, I don't hold back, because I now believe that when it comes to religion vs. reality, it's more important to be honest than to be nice.

Oh geez, should I even bother to try? Mine's such a long and grueling story, not really sure how to condense it. This is going to take a while. It's pretty much my life's story.

I was born in San Francisco, but moved to my father's home town in Roanoke, Va. at age five. Before Roanoke, I had never heard of God. When my parents said that they made me, I thought that meant that they decided to cook me up one day in the kitchen. I guess I thought people had made everything.

Then I met my paternal grandmother, a VERY religious lady, and she gave me the low down on the whole christian universe one day while driving around in her big oldsmobile. I suspect that she must've had a long talk with my father afterwards ("why don't that boy know anything about baby Jesus?"), and before I knew it, I was attending kindergarden at Berean Baptist Elementary.

I can still vividly remember the nightmares that resulted from my incarceration there. One involved me being drag in chains by a procession of monks up a stone spiral staircase surrounding an eternal stone pillar in the sky - a sky with no earth, no bottom. We get to the top and there is a giant metal door. They open the door to room that looks a bit like the garbage compactor in star wars, only the floor is lined with rocket boosters instead of trash. They toss me into the pit, flip a switch, and burn me alive.

After several years of coming home from school screaming "I hate God! I hate him! I'm going to poor water on his fire and save all the people!!" my mother put her foot down and I was allowed to go to public school.

At this time we were a pretty well-to-do upper class family. My dad own several high-end women's shoe stores, and my sister and I were being spoiled to the core. We went to one of those mega-churches where it was more important to be seen than to worship anything in particular. Things seemed pretty stable and happy. But around age 9 or 10, disaster struck. The downtown shoe store burned down, along with the two other businesses on either side. Apparently, business had gone REALLY sour, and my dad made some pretty stupid choices. He was convicted on arson charges and sentenced to 18 months. My whole life changed.

While in prison, my father became born again. My mother, however, to a different course. By the time he got out, they were legally separated - she, my sister, and I moved in with her boss (now my stepfather), and my dad moved in to his mother's basement. I wasn't getting along too well with my stepfather, and I had always been daddy's boy and felt he'd been given a raw deal. Once my dad started getting back on his feet, I chose to go live with him.

My father is an enigma. On the one side, he's a fairly open minded guy. Foul mouthed and free-wheeln'. But then there is this guilt-compensation side that makes him try to act like a religious hard-ass whenever Sunday roles around. It's difficult to describe to someone who's never met him. But in any case he tried in his own way to give me a 'good christian upbringing'. Problem was, 'God' and I had already formed a relationship, and it was never once amicable. And I hated church. Passionately. Everything about it. The music. The talking. The colors. The dumb stories. The fake friendliness. And most of all, the unanswered or lamely answered questions.

By the time I was 14, under-the-breath distaste had transformed into open rebellion. I delighted in stirring up trouble at church while incurring the wrath of my father. Whether it was calling my sunday school teacher a 'pimp for jesus,' sieg heiling the preacher, or simply pulling my shirt-tail out, I was always lashing out against their social conformity. I had also discovered punk rock, which of course only added fuel to the fire.

At age 17, I left my dad to live with my mom in Portland, Or. for my last year of high school. It's kinda funny, because I had it really good with my dad. He was very generous, and a lot more easy going on the general teenage stuff. It just sucked on Sundays. Just Sundays. The Sundays were just that bad.

Once I was free of most parental constraints, which actually took a bit longer than it should've, I began my own spiritual quest. I tried Zen, with a little New Age mysticism thrown in, and that eventually led me to the martial arts.

Now here comes the pivotal experience:
After several years of diligent study in the 'art' of Tae Kwon Do under 'Grandmaster' Choi, I decided to actually move into the Dojang with a couple blackbelts in order to really get hardcore in my skills, or something. Haha, sounds really funny to me now, but anyway. One of the blackbelts there, let's call him Ned, was getting into some really weird shit. He believed the Dojang was haunted, that he could talk to the spirits using a ouja board and a pendulum, and that these spirits were teaching him Riki Magic spells that empowered him to cure all illness, including AIDS!! Also, I had become fairly close to Master Choi himself. I came to realize that, though in his own time he had been a great fighter, now a days he was really just a sickly old man (and a sometimes rather grumpy one too.) Yet all these color belts bowed low to these people and revered Choi as if he were some sort of deity. Then it hit me, I was in a fucking cult!!

I moved out, finally got my own place, and purchased my first copy of Skeptic magazine, and set myself on a path that would force me to confront all my superstitions directly, without hope or fear. That led me directly to atheism. There was no other place it could've led.

And you what? It was such a relief. It truly felt like being born again. After all, baby rainbows was an atheist too!!

wow, what terrible grammar I am having this evening.

I was bought up in a childrens home from the age of about three with a group of other children varying in number from 5 to 9 other children over the years. I was exposed to some pretty horrific stories and examples of abuse that even now I find difficult to believe can happen in a civilised society, the home was run by the local Baptist church and as such it was fairly mandatory for us to attend church and sunday school I can't say that I ever believed in God, but I do seem to remember trying to read the bible with some of the other kids in the home when I was quite young, I very soon lost interest. I always was a voracious reader, mostly of science encyclopedias and I still remember the first science fiction story I read, that just blew me away.

I suppose the defining moment when I made a concious choice about becoming religious was when I attended a local camp run by "Every Boys Rally" which is a religious group for boys similar to scouts, they kept us up really late one night singing and clapping etc, then they said that we were going to choose now to devote ourselves to god, they lined us all up and said "If you choose to accept Jesus into your heart then go and stand at the far end of the room" (or words to that effect). All the Leaders immediately went to the far side of the room and most of the boys, after a while a few more of the boys went over and pretty soon there was only me and two or three other boys left. I just felt wrong about the decision and they way it was being made. The dissenters were sent to bed while the rest went through their commitment ceremony, nothing was ever said to me about it and I wasn't made to feel bad about my decision, but looking back I am deeply disturbed that a group of grown men would use such peer pressure tactics on young kids.

I never really cared about religion one way or the other, but in recent years I have begun to be deeply disturbed by the rise in fundamentalist religious practices in the world and the problems that this is causing. I tried very hard for several years to try and understand what faith was. I even went to a few churches to discuss this with them. Today I am pretty must of the opinion that faith is simply a method of lying to yourself.

I feel it's very important to try and get perspective on a viewpoint you disagree with, and so I have recently been very tempted to undertake an experiment whereby I would truly try and accept religion into my life and attempt to live with faith mostly as out of curiousity, I am afraid of the effect this might have on my children and partner however.

If I do however decide to try this experiment, you may see some widely varying opinions coming from me in postings to this site for a while.

I was raised uber-Mormon.

It took me 40 years to dig out of Mormonism, then Christianity, then deism, and all the rest of the faith BS. I read my way out.

I'm a little resentful and angry with myself. Why didn't I snap out of it earlier?

I feel like the first 40 years of my life were spent in a partial coma. Sometimes I think about all the things I missed because I was drugged on faith and gospel. I avoided anything that wasn't "faith promoting."

Now I have no sacred cows. Now I read everything. Now I don't fear and worry if God likes me. Now I don't have to do massive mental gymnastics trying to explain God. Now I am responsible for myself instead of thinking Sky Daddy will bail me out. Now I value life so much more. Every second is precious.

My parents raised their children to strictly adhere to the teachings of the Roman Catholic church in Western Canada. I have a great number of aunts and uncles who are in various orders (nuns, brothers, priests, etc.). At one point my parents took us to church every morning before school. I never questioned anything but did as was expected of me. Until I first moved out of their house I don't think I missed one Sunday mass. I was in christian youth groups, went to christian camps, I led the singing when I was a pre-teen, I was 'confirmed', I went to a Catholic high school. All the while I never bought it, I paid lip-service but only when I was forced to. I wasn't aware that I didn't buy it.
I later met and married a woman who came from a 'baptist style' born again christian family. She had a very similar reaction to her religious upbringing. It bonded us and we were happy to be apathetic about any kind of religion. We also felt compelled to get away from the strong influence of our families. We ended up in Massachusetts and have been very happy here raising our 2 young children. I always knew there was something dysfunctional about myself and my parents family(as I'm sure many people do) and I was continually searching for what it was specifically. I soon found out by reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. My parents, coming from their depression era upbringing on the prairies, were content to believe that anything that serves a purpose other than survival is frivolous. They live their lives this way and it seems to work for them. As a child growing up within this way of life during a time of great prosperity was stifling to say the least. In fact it was a death sentence. Every effort to do something, to create, to strive, to achieve, was reduced to: It isn't essential therefore its not worth doing. My parents somehow managed to find a line that they never sank below but as a child I burned every bridge and opportunity struggling to live up to such a low standard. 'Zen' pointed this out to me and I started a quest to find out more philosophy. I really enjoyed reading about the great philosophers and then Buddhism and then in New England I discovered Unitarian Universalism. I never wanted to go to any congregation though as I realized that besides the great wisdom I found in Philosophy, Buddhism, and the openmindedness of the UU's, I couldn't put up with the social aspect of any religious organization. Right about then it just hit me. there is no God. There are no ghosts, no angels, no supernatural anything. In fact, anything that promotes supernatural ideas is serving the purpose of the self indulgent theists. The fear of the unknown drives people to a place(church) where there are 'experts' in dealing with supernatural phenomenon. It just makes me sick now to think about it. I can't describe the feeling I had of first realizing the truth and letting all that crap go. The weight off the shoulders. Coming out of the fog. Robert Ingersoll described it best, look him up. I am now filled with drive, ambition, a desire to do good and meaningful things, full of life. Fortunately, my wife feels the same way about atheism and we now raise our children 'without a god-belief'. Their lives will be so much easier without that burden on their backs. Life is so much easier when you can rely on the best that humanity has to offer.

Jim Engele
Orange, MA

When I was really young I never thought about God. I remember hearing about God and Jesus, but never really questioned or believed in them. My parents never went to church, but they are both Christians (one Luthern and one Catholic). In fact, the only religion forced on me was when I was baptized as a baby.

When I was about 8 years old my cousin said that I should go to sunday school with him. That got me interested in finding out more about religion. So, I did sunday school for a couple months, and joined my aunt in church afterwards. I did this for about 6 months, I think. None of it really made sense, and I couldn't understand what the big deal was. I stopped going, but thought about the whole God thing a bit more.

I was probably about 11 when I finally felt positive that there was no God. His existance just didn't make sense. I never advertised my lack of faith, but I wouldn't lie if asked about it. I really didn't have a problem with religion until late in high school when I would see how angry (and silly) people would get at my point of view. Recently I've become much more interested in the political aspects that American Atheists fights for. I never thought it was that important until we voted in a crazy, dellusional president.

Phideaux,

Don't be so hard on yourself. Imagine the next 40 years that you have free of brainwashing. Feels good, doesn' it?

I am the product of 12 years of catholic school. I know that I never really believed. I remember as a young child about age 5 my aunt would ask my cousins and I "Did you thank god for this beautiful day?" My cousins would all say "Thank you god for this beautiful day" when it got to my turn I would never say it- I would say that the day was beautiful just because it was. At family holidays we would pick different kids to say "grace" I would never say it.
In catholic grammar school we always had to go to "mass" well mass was the pits- for me it was a waste of time. You would also have to go to confession- I could never understand why I had to tell a priest about my "sins" that always made me mad.
I didn't know about different faiths til I was about 18 years old and out of catholic high school. I started asking people about their faiths wondering if maybe I was just in the wrong group. Well the more I heard about other religions the more I knew that I just didnt believe in any god.
My husband also went to 12 years of catholic school. I was married in the church, had all 5 of my sons baptized in the church and even sent my 2 oldest sons to catholic school til the middle of 2nd grade. I did those things because its the only thing I knew. When my oldest sons were in 2nd grade we pulled them out of the catholic school because of horrible things that were happening to them. You would think that priests and nuns would do the right thing and stand up for children if something bad were happening to them- well that wasn't the case. At the time I didnt believe in a god,but it was important to my family that the kids were raised catholic, I was raised that you had to send your kids to catholic school, it was a stigma thing. When the school wouldnt help my children was when my husband really did alot of questioning and realized himself that religion is a total brainwashing.
My family blames me for corrupting my husband with my atheism. When we were dating my husband had this jesus head that I absolutely hated, it was given to him by an ex girlfriend, that may have been one of the reasons I hated it but mostly it gave me the creeps. It really creeped me out when we were fooling around- everytime I think of the stupid jesus statue I crack up now.
My family has a really hard time with us being atheists, they love us but just don't understand how we don't believe. I try to tell them that we don't understand how they can believe.
I feel good about being an atheist- I know it's who I am and who I have always been. I love raising my sons without religious superstition, they will never have to deal with the brainwashing that goes along with religion.

I was raised in the Lutheran church in the southern suburbs of Pgh., Pa. My neighbors were Roman Catholics, baptists, presbyterians, methodistists, greek orthodox, jews. My mother was the more deeply religious of my parents, though Dad was very active in the church.
From sometime in my toddlerhood until I was five yrs. old, I was repeatedly and brutally sexually abused and tortured by my paternal grandfather. The abuse included ritualistic prayer, among other christian references. While being raped at age four, I had an epiphany and asked Jesus for help. I got none. In fact, things got worse. My four yr. old brain reasoned that I was either really bad, or god was as mean as my grandpa. I hated that god.
When I was about six, I was watching a nest of ants move their eggs. I noted their size compared to mine, and my size compared to what I could see of the world. I asked my mom "How do we know we're not just like little bugs on the body of some giant?" She said, "Oh really, Karen Jean! You and your silly questions!"
The questions continued. I was the "Why and How come" girl in Sunday school, spending lots of time in the corner. I began to read voraciously.
I started reading science fiction in about the fourth grade, which I think led to my first conscious questions aout god's existence since I was four.
I continued to go to church and sunday school, always questioning, always being told it was wrong to question God, and starting to see the hypocrisy within my church.
I was confirmed at 14 and left the church at 16. Between that time, I read a biography of Martin Luther and found out what an asshole he had been. An event involving incest occurred with one of my friends at church, which triggered strong feelings in me that I did not understand. The level of hypocrisy that I recognized from this incident enraged me. I wanted to leave the church. My parents forced me to go until I made such a nuisance of myself and became such an embarrassment to them that they gave up. By the time I actually left the church, I had done more reading, and had pretty much decided God was all just a lie also.
I first declared my atheism to friends and family between 16 and 18 yrs of age. No one took it well, but I never felt threatened about it until I moved to the south (NC) at age 22. At that point I was advised to keep my mouth shut or suffer the consequences.
I am now 50, and am very secure in my thoughts of atheism. No, I can't prove there is no god, but don't feel I need to. I feel confident that no one will ever be able to prove to me that one exists. It is definitely a feeling of freedom to be rid of the odious monster I was taught to believe in. I truly believe I would have gravitated to atheism even without the abuse in my childhood. I just like reading too much and ask too many questions!

Long story short: If there's an afterlife, I'd better be prepared, and bring along some Marshmallows. ;)

Short story long: I was never religious in the extreme. It was just a gradual decline in what little beliefs I had over the first 10 or so years of my life (Yes I was 10, TEN, I was pretty much born an atheist :) ).

I realized that I could write down some nonsense and yell it from the rooftops, and I wouldn't be any different from anything else from the preachers. Needless to say, mi madre, y mi padre didn't take their first-born 10 year old son all to seriously. They still don't take me seriously, even now as I near my 20th birthday, they still can't accept their son is an atheist >:(

I also didn't like to waste my Sundays, it was a long drive to and from church. God could talk to me on his time, my weekends are MINE, and no one else's!!!

There was also the usual weak answers to my questions, especially one which really pissed me off: I wanted one proof of gods existence. I didn't want to waste my time on something that didn't show itself. There were other questions that atheists are all familiar with, and the same weak responses from the believers.

About that guarantee of my going tell hell thing, well, I guess the breaking point came when I told my parental units that I was sick one Sunday, and I knew I was going to puke. Needless to say, midway through the service, I think it was during the reading from the OT ;), I did the deed :)!!

My parents were willing to overlook their son's legitimate claim's of being sick, and drag me off to church. Sow the wind and you'll reap that morning's breakfast!

Well, thats my story on becoming an atheist. Nice to be among like-minded free-thinking individuals for once. There aren't too many atheists in North Dakota. Last I checked there were about 13 of us who were at least open about our beliefs.

Well, my mother was an atheist and my father was a non-practicing xtian plus I lived in Japan for the majority of my young childhood (if you know anything about Japan, any religion is almost non-existent in their society) so I was raised without any religious background. In those days, I was really apathetic about religion. To me, the most important thing was going outside and play with my friends. But one day when I was around 8 or so, my mother's xtian friend invited us to church (the only reason I agreed to come was because of the free lunch they gave out after the sermon). Anyway, the friend's daughter (let's call her Lenne) was really, I mean REALLY sick, like flu kind of sick. But the sad thing is, Lenne's mom dragged her to church eventhough she was burning from a high fever and vomiting like crazy... So I was sitting in church listening to the sermon (which didn't make since whatsoever) all the while Lenne was sitting next to me vomiting in a plastic trash can. Now at this point I was furious, I mean come on, you don't bring a sick child to church when she should be at home resting! I'm sure their god would understand if Lenne needed to take a sickday off. I thought if this was what it meant to be faithful to god then everyone must be crazy! From then on, I vowed to never go back to that hellhole ever again.

Years later, (during highschool), my religious friends and I where having a debate over xtian belief system while IMing to each other. I gave question to why she belives what she belived. She was very understanding and answered my question to the best of her ability while never getting mad or criticising me. Unfortunantly, all the answer she provided wasn't enough to convince me of the existence of god. So I went to my parent's room, took the bible that was collecting dust for who knows how long, and stated reading. Not long after reading past genisis, I realized all the BS the bible was throwing at. I realized that there was no god, Jesus, or the afterlife, chritianity (and the bible) was just a tool for politicans and radicals to brainwash and control the masses to their liking. In essence, a leaglized cult.

For the longest time I wasn't open about telling about my beliefs (or lack of) but coming to this blog gave me great courage and comfort from knowing that I'm not alone.

Wow, these are great. (and sad, in some cases)

It interesting that many of us have become even more 'out' in our atheism since the religious right pretty much took over. I know that has definitely been the case with my wife and I. Maybe the political travesties of the last five years have been a 'blessing' in disguise. We're all coming out now, telling our stories and making connections. I guess this is what fellowship feels like. It feels pretty nice, actually.

Some of your stories are so sad.

Mine is pretty simple. I was born and still live in the American South, north Georgia. Protestant Christianity is THE religion, and pretty much all there still is. I am surrounded by it and constantly bombarded with it. I was raised in a "secular Christian" home...that is, we celebrated Christmas and "Easter bunny" Easter and loosely believed in Jesus but were never really serious about it. I would go to church for funerals, weddings, and occasionally to Sunday School or Vacation Bible School with a relative or friend, where I, too, was the one the teacher became annoyed with for asking too many questions. I realize now how very lucky I was, especially living in the region of the U.S. that I do, to not have been indoctrinated into Christianity. If I had been, my de-conversion would have been traumatic, I think.

My parents always encouraged me to be open-minded about things. Christianity never made much sense but I gave it a try, to no avail. Religion just never was an issue with me other than the occasional argument with a fundamentalist about what I considered as extreme beliefs, and there are a lot of fundies here to argue with.

After my divorce I was invited to church by a few friends (to singles groups) and found it was as distasteful to me at age 37 as it had been at age 9. I began a spiritual study, learning about Buddhism, Taoism, Wicca, etc. I had always hated the way the Abrahamic religions had oppressed women so I concentrated on Wicca for about a year. I found goddess-worship very gentle and appealing. The people are super, but that didn't feel quite right either. I did what most of the rest of you did and read a LOT. I have always loved to read so this wasn't a chore for me. I eventually made it through the Bible. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, if I would actually "see the light" at some point during it. Well, I "saw the light", but not the one most Christians go on about. It was like this huge light bulb came on, and I almost hit myself on the side of the head and said, WOW! What if it's ALL wrong? The biggest thing, I think, is what a huge RELIEF it was. Atheism is all that is left after the rest of it has fallen to pieces around you. But it isn't a bad thing, not like theists think. For me, it is a very peaceful and satisfying place. I feel a bit like Phideaux, like I wasted time because I am now 42 and didn't come to the conclusion I was truly an atheist until my late 30's, but better late than never, right?

My story seems typical.. Dad Xtian, Mom atheist but going along until the divorce, after which I was raised to class god with santa and the tooth fairy.

I will never forget losing a shoe at age six. I went into the only bathroom and kneeled and prayed that god would put my missing shoe on the toilet seat. I think I had an idea that the toilet seat was a good, unambiguous place that god could recognize. When I opened my eyes, it wasn't there. I was very disappointed and went to ask Mom why it didn't work. I recall her being uncomfortable and telling me that "god doesn't work that way." I also remember wondering what good he was, if that was the case. If he's everywhere and and all powerful and hears the smallest prayers, why wouldn't he help me out? I'd been good and really needed that shoe!

I think that by far this is one of the most interesting threads I've read, thank you all for sharing your backgrounds.

I am very interested in trying to find a common event or personality trait that may help to give me a clue as to why some people choose to be atheists, while Others choose to be believers, so this stuff is all gold to me.

I realise that this represents a rather small sampling of people, but so far the only common characteristic I can pick out is that at some point all the people here started to ask questions about their religious (or lack of) beliefs and followed through with the enquiry, can anyone else spot some common traits?

I'm quite motivated to put up an anonymous questionaire on the net in order to try and categorise and expand upon this idea, but having no formal training in putting together a scientifically valid series of non leading, culturally neutral questions could present quite a challenge.

Thanks again all.

Gun

It seems to me that in at least several cases, folks not only questioned their own religious beliefs, but were also at least exposed to, or studied other religious beliefs as well, before becoming atheists. So it's not a case of Christianity vs atheism here, or Buddhism vs atheism, etc.

I think you hit upon the biggest factor, in the questioning and the follow-up to that. Rational thinkers just aren't satisfied with being told to take it on faith.

There are many bibliophiles here too. Since we couldn't get the answers to our question by simply asking, many of us turned to books.

Your questionaire idea is intriguing. Almost needs a sociologist or psychologist or both to form the questions. It would be interesting to see if intellect plays a part. One of the comments I notice newcomers voicing is the level of intellect on this site and how they appreciate it.

Anyone interested in the story of an ex-Muslim atheist?

Anyone interested in the story of an ex-Muslim atheist?

Hos:
Yes please.

Hos

Of course. We are equal opportunity "ex" es! Please, tell us your story.

age 8 - Lazy Christian. No Church.

age 16 - Super Christian. Bible study 3x week.

age 20 - Lazy Christian. College. Got better things to do.

age 23 - Atheist. Dinosaurs? What am I gonna do for the next billion billion years? Debating with Christians becomes fun because I know more about Christianity than they do.

age 36 - Super Atheist. Bush's religious right agenda threatens everything good with this country. Debating becomes serious.

Wow, these are all great! Thanks for sharing your stories, everyone.

Mine's pretty boring. I was raised in a sort of mildly religious environment by reasonably open-minded parents. Godstuff was never really a big deal, though we did go to church every week. (I think they only went because they thought it was good for us kids. They stopped going after we all grew up.)

One of the only clear religious memories I have is of being rather disappointed after my confirmation because I hadn't felt the holy spirit entering me. I wasn't too surprised though, having already gotten the idea that religion was mainly about formality and that god never actually made his presence known in any way.

When I went away to school I majored in physics and got my first rigorous taste of the scientific way of knowing things. It opened my eyes to a whole new intellectual world and made me really skeptical about everything that I had just passively accepted before--religion, politics, etc. The whole idea of "faith" pretty much left my worldview and began to seem like not at all a good thing.

And then the 2000 elections, the aftermath of 9/11, the launching of the Iraq war, and everything else motivated me to become more outspoken than I had been previously.

Gun, Karen - Yes I am curious as well. What exactly is it about us all that allowed our brains to cut through the all the BS out there? Was it environment, or was it innate? The age old question.

I know there have been studies on the psychology of rebellious thought and non-conforminty. I would guess that would be a good place to start. They say that creative thinkers are generally the ones with the most questions. They are the ones who are not satisfied with the status quo - who feel a general need to improve upon the norm. You can't get anymore status quo than religion, so... well I don't know. But I like the idea of combining our efforts and doing some research!

I agree with Gun.......this is the most fascinating thread yet.

Lots of pain though which is sad for any child to endure.

The main common thread for all but 2 is the fact that you were all raised either in a Christian church or by a somewhat Christian parent.

For the past 8 years or so I've studied this topic. What is it that takes one from the church into atheism?
It's a very interesting study and there's more commonality then you know. And this thread proves it.

I look forward to hearing more.

What is it that takes one from the church into atheism?

Lack of being able to force ourselves to believe a fairy tale, maybe?

phreedm

Why don't you share with us some of the things you've learned over the past 8 years? Are there any things that really stand out in regard to commonality?

I am at a point in my life, and frankly have been for a very long time, where I find it hard to believe that any really questioning person stays in the church, or maintains their god belief. I don't mean this as an insult, really. I have friends who are really intelligent and both my therapists are superintelligent. I don't get into deep discussions with my friends anymore about this. And it really isn't pertinent to my therapy. But I just don't get it. Why do people who are otherwise so smart, believe? I'm sorry. I don't know how to phrase it in a way that doesn't sound condescending.

phreedm: Don't forget, I don't fit any of your criteria.
Unless you already did, in which case, sorry to interject.

My downfall was UFO's.

I was raised as a generic protestant, like everyone else I knew. At about 10 I got interested in rockets and space, then UFO's. Reading about UFO's was the opposite of reading about rocket science: the more I read, the more suspicious everything started to sound. Eventually, I had to admit that it was very unlikely that aliens had ever visited Earth. Very disappointing. I had always loved the mysterious.

I applied the same sort of study to other things: Big Foot, the Loch Ness monster, ghosts and eventually various religions. The result was always the same. No matter how much I wanted to believe in something, I had to admit that the only reality in most cases was people taking advantage of people like me who wanted to believe.

Science, on the other hand, has been the opposite. The more I learned, the more things I found I wanted to learn. The universe, whether the deeps of outer space or the human mind, contains realms far stranger and more wonderful than any con artist can conceive.

I'm also interested in what caused me to, oh, I don't know... use logic. I sometimes wonder if I'd be happier as a sheep, blindly following the Church.

Lack of being able to force ourselves to believe a fairy tale, maybe?

You know, in all honesty, I don't think it was ever the fairy tales that bothered me. No, it was definitely something else that pushed me away, for I kinda enjoyed hearing many of the stories.

I believe it was my innate sense of justice, along with a healthy fear of being duped, that pushed me away from religion.

Mine is simple. I did not choose to be an atheist. I was raised by parents who gave logical, rational explanations to my questions.
As I was never polluted by the idea of a god, not nowing about "him" was the normal state of mind for me.

I learned I was called an "atheist" when I got my first glimpse of religion in school. School officials forced me and the only other few kids who had chosen "morale" (perhaps "ethics" would be the proper translation?) instead of religious class to attend religion class anyway because they were not going to gave a special class to the 6 of us.

This lasted for a single class. I made a big fuss about the teacher lying to us about the formation of the earth and how god just "poofed" all the animals we see today into existance and that teachers were not supposed to teach lies that the school officials agreed to make that special class just for us.

My parents were proud :-)

R4D: I read about a study that found that the top creative types had one characteristic in common: when given a word association test they usually responded with the contradictory word (up:down, stop:go, etc). Normal people tended to respond with similar words (up:sky, stop:wait, etc). Maybe creative types are more contrary and less inclined to go along with everyone else?

Maybe there is something innate to it. My mother did often tell me that, as an infant, I would start to cry when the choir started singing in church. The louder they sang, the harder I screamed. Perhaps I was just a critic, but I think not! :)

I supposedly screamed through my baptism too.

TomSD:
Maybe we get some satisfaction from just going against the grain.

I was raised in the Texas part of the Bible belt, in a town where everyone was a proclaimed Christian. I went to church normally as a Methodist until I was about thirteen. At this age I really started questioning everything, I developed a real thirst for knowledge that still hasn't left me.

Well, I didn't tell my parents that I was doubting, and continued going to church to keep up the facade. I embarked on my journey completely alone, observing what I could.

I was fifteen when I made the first steps of transition. That was when I lost a small portion of my memory when I was hit by a car. (Made a three inch indention into the windshield with my head.) I lost those early years with the Christian doctrine that had hindered my questioning for years.

With that baggage gone, I started rebuilding my knowledge of the Bible, this time when my brain had more experience. It hit me one day, that from what I knew, that Christianity was most likely not right in any sense. That was when I rejected their teachings, moving to observe the world and decide for myself.

I then decided that any current concept of God was incorrect, and it was likely that if there was one, the actions of humans wouldn't matter. I picked up humanism along the way, making the person I was about a year ago.

Unfortunately, that was my senoir year of high school, where it wasn't smart to be different. Stupidly, I revealed that I was different, the only open Atheist in a school of Christians.

The first problem I had was during the lunch hour one day. I was approached by a group of Christians who feigned wanting to speak with me. It ended up with them telling me I was going to hell and me quickly exiting from the group. This wasn't even a major problem.

I got to spend the next few months until graduation alone (My friends didn't have classes with me.) It was actually pretty peaceful. At both graduation and baccaleureate(sp? and I was forced to go.) I refused to remove my cap during thier prayer. This seriously ticked people off. I can still remember the threats in detail, though I shrugged them off at the time. The principal of my school tried to coerce me into removing my cap, however, I pointed out a Texas statute that saved my life. The one that says that schools cannot condone or encourage school prayer. I was saved by the Texas Legislature (for once!) After that I left that little town behind and headed for college. And to tell the truth, I'm happy here.

TomSD:

Maybe creative types are more contrary and less inclined to go along with everyone else?

You've hit on one of my defining characteristics, at least. Tell me the sky is blue, and I'll ask for your source. :) Tell me I need oxygen, and I'll hold my breath. It doesn't make life easy, but I can't seem to help it. :)

Never was a very strong connection to any church things.

I dont know for sure. Like 7th/8th grade. You see that the Bible says adam and eve, the flood, and other stuff that just clashes with stuff you learn in science class.

Its not really a big deal until you get a little older cause then you start caring about politics and for some strange reason politics are up to their neck in Jesus. I do regret the oppurtunity to possibly tap some hot Church going abstinence pledging gals.

Greetings all. Been lurking for a while, and this looked like a good spot to sign up and say hi (waves).

I have been an Atheist since about 14 or 15. Fairly low level until the last decade when it really started to ramp up. I was baptized into the catholic crowd as a baby, but never got truly hauled into it after they screwed over my parents and they bailed. Had a fairly religion free childhood until 13, when the 'rents went protestant(low cal catholic)and tried to drag me under. I went along with the gag for a little while, but let's face it, at that age you're re-examining and questioning everything. After about a year, I realized that it was a total crock. Nothing changed, nothing new was spoken, did not get anything out of it, even the sermons were reruns. One sunday I looked at the people around me, and realized why priests refer to people as a 'flock'. I was surrounded by a load of sheep! It totally creeped me out, so I took my sanity and went home. Never looked back and have never been happier. Something comforting about knowing that you are the final arbiter of your life, not some imaginary friend.
I am glad to have found this place, along with American Atheists, and joined both. Cool folks that feel like I do, and lot's of'em!

i've been lurking a while too and think this is a great place to start. when i was a kid i was always made to go to sunday school and church and i grew up resenting it. as i grew up i questioned everything and began a long search to find out what i really believed in. that search lead me to carl sagan - his book "shadows of forgotten ancestors" did it for me. i thought mr. sagan was so bold to question the existence of a god - i had never read anything like it and i was hooked. since then, my search has helped me realize that i am an atheist and that it's okay to be me. finding american atheists and this blog have made me feel even better. i am proud to be an atheist - i am proud that i can think for myself and not have to rely on a god to make my decisions for me! how liberating!

Arrrrrghhh! Welcome aboard chaos & torkado.

Tom SD & Jerret might be onto something, w/ going against the grain, I'd really like to hear some more of the psychology/other commonality behind atheism, I'm too lazy to search, can anybody provide some good links?

Golly, I guess I should throw my story out there as wll.
I was born and raised Roman Catholic, baptised a 3 weeks, First Communiion by 10, confirmed at well…I put that one off long enonough that it never occurred. My "conversion" or what I prefer to call "realization" came at an early, early age, but it took me years to come out of the closet even to myself.
As a young boy I suffered from pretty sever, horrible nightmares of death, quite horrible death and spiritual damnation. I feared the devil, that big ed nasty guy, was going to track me down and swallow me up (metaphorically). Really unpleasent dreams for a child. I still get chills thinking about them now 26 years later. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to take these nightmares away. I lay awake at night huddled under my blankets (over the head), all lights on, sweating and crying silently – I was afraid to tell my parents for fear that I'd done something wrong. Over the course of the year I, after losing a loooooot of sleep, it slowly dawned on my child-like mind that if there was some great, powerful God, then he must be some sort of sadist to sit back without answering a child's prayers. That or there was no one receiving the prayers altogether. Not wanting to accept the idea of a sadistic creator (I'm not Gnostic…) I stopped believing that there was a God. It occurred to me that if there was no God, well, then there must not be any devil, and, hence, no great big evil thing to be afraid of.
The nightmares ended that night.
I lived in secrecy. I was proud of my realization, looked at my God-needing peers with a little bit of sadness in my eyes (If only they knew!) and spent the next ten years coming up with the strength to start telling those around me (that would be the R Catholic school I attended for 9 years) that I wasn't really one of them.
It took another 10 years before I could even begin to really feel out what my view of the worl (changing as it may be – my view AND the world) really is, and I feel like I have so much more to learn. The more I learn, however, the more connected I feel to the life around me, the world I am a part of and the more I feel lucky to be a part of it.
Cheers!

soundeiener:
Hmm. I seem to be ahead of the game then, as I'm already quite vocal about atheism. Then again, I didn't go to Catholic school. Really dodged a bullet there.

I would also like to read Hos' story.

It has been fascinating reading these stories. Someone said earlier that atheists know more about Christianity than Christians do. I think that is a key point, and unfortunately true in many cases. Most Christians I know do not know enough of the history of their own religion to be able to discuss it intelligently. That's why they always resort to the "Gotta have faith/God works in mysterious ways we're not meant to understand" mantras. I know very few Christians who can tell me, for example, about the Council of Nicea, what brought about the creation of the first Protestant church, the Protestant Reformation, etc. They go to church like good little people, open their bibles to where the minister tells them to, listen to that morning's sermon, maybe sing some songs, then leave - and then many proceed to try to tell the rest of the world how to live because of what they perceive inside their little cocoon. Most are content to live that way and never question. A few might want to, but are afraid of the repurcussions.

It seems some common ground for a lot of us, no matter our ages, is a mutual concern about the current political climate in the U.S. For me, growing up in the 60's-70's, religion was not the issue it is today. When it started becoming one and I feared there were some in this country who wanted to turn it into a theocracy, I think that's what gave me the incentive to really delve into the history of religion, especially Christianity. Of course the Internet helps a lot now. More information is at everyone's fingertips - and it helps to approach everything with a healthy dose of skepticism. It it refreshing for me to read the posts from those here who are not American citizens, and when I learned how religion is declining so much in Europe, it gives me something to hope for. Sometimes now I wonder if the reason the RR is as vocal is they are is that they themselves know that their faith is running low on fuel, and they are trying to fight it the only way they know how -by forcing the government to acknowledge it in more and more situations.

I agree that reading seems to be a very common thread among us. I read mythologies of different cultures, books on the history of Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, etc, books by philosophers like Russell and Ingersoll, "The Age of Reason" by Thomas Paine, Ayn Rand, etc.

It is very frustrating to me - the importance our society places upon religion. Religion, or lack thereof, really shouldn't be an issue. I would prefer to live my life without even thinking about it. I did for a lot of years. I think that, at least within the United States, the present administration has made many of us feel threatened enough to become more vocal about it.

Chaos, loved the comment about Protestant=low cal Catholic. Too funny.

I remember the day I realized I was an atheist.

I was sitting in a class in High School on World Literature. We were reading Greek mythology - namely the Odyssey. During a discussion one of the students just stood up and blurted out "How could they have possibly believed in all these gods and godesses? We all know there is only one god."

I was so angry with this student and I didn't even know why. I just sat there dumbfounded for a bit. I could not believe the ignorance of what I had just heard. Then it hit me like a load of bricks. I understood my anger. The God that xtians believe in is no more or less realistic than any of the gods of our forebears. That God is no different from the gods of the Hindus or the Aztecs or the Mayans or Egyptians. And all of those gods that came before are all sneered at as "myths."

Somehow I just had this epiphany. I knew I'd been an atheist all along. It was always in me and I simply didn't recognize it. I identified as a xtian because my parents did, not because I really had thought about it and understood what I thought were my "beliefs." I realized that all of my recognition that humans are truly fallible had reached its pinnacle.

I studied all of the religions after that, the practice of magic (or as xtians like to call it with disgust: the occult), and philosophy. I read the bible so that I would fully understand what it was about and found all of the contradictions that have been widely publicized due to the internet.

After awakening from the slumber of "spirituality" I simply couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't listen to a preacher use an ages-old trick of monotany used to literally lull the mind into a semi-hypnotic state in order to cram the unbelievable into it. I realized what churches really were - financial and political institutions with a sole aim of converting every man, woman, and child on the planet.

I realized that of the thousands of religions, a great deal of them had set it up so that if you were a disbeliever in their particular brand of superstition that you'd end up in a similar place to the xtian hell. I also realized how clever the xtians were by stealing the icons of other faiths, demonizing their gods, and converting their followers with fear of eternal damnation and torture. If they didn't convert, kill them. Crucify or burn them at the stake, or even commit mass genocide against an entire people (i.e. Native American villages given smallpox-infected blankes).

The religious start entire wars (like the recent Iraq war) in the name of one God or another. They kill innocent people over their faiths. If they don't kill them they make life hard for them - like they do here in America by injecting their faith into all levels of our political structure and making those of us that either believe in different faiths or have no faith at all feel unwelcome in OUR OWN COUNTRY.

Go away, they are telling us. Isn't that exactly what Europe was telling those unfortunate people that got into leaky ships with poor nutrition and all of the dangers of a transcontinental voyage of the day - risking their very lives to come to this new country and escape the very system that they reestablished here only a couple hundred years later?

I would still like Hos to give us his/her story. I hope it has just been delayed and that Hos wwas not turned off by the "I'm not" response by Tim, which came right after Hos's query as to our interest in his/her story. Tim was actually speaking to Reluctant, not Hos. I hope there was no confusion there.
Please HOS, share your story!

atomictesting

Your story reminds me of when I used to watch "Tarzan" before going off to afternoon kindergarden. It seemed there were often pesky missionaries butting into the natives lives and causing trouble with the pushing of their religion. They'd get into situations where Tarzan would have to save them and more often than not, some native would get killed. This 5 year old got so angry about that! If the missionaries had just minded their own business, none of it would have happened!

In HS, we studied mythology also, and a comment similar to the one made by the student in your story came up. I riased my hand and asked "What makes your god true and these other gods false?" Silence. Glares. Gasps. If looks could kill...My teacher, who was a humorless bitch, who stuck strictly to the standard curriculum, changed the subject and moved on.

Wonderful to read so many stories and to see people moving from lurker to contributor. Great thread.

There are also some very good deconversion stories on ebon musings. If you enjoyed them here - you will love them there.

http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/index.html

My story is not very different to others. Parents met and married at church and gradually moved from traditional Anglican churches to evangelical Assembly of God types. Every few years my Dad would get pissed off with the characters in, or direction of, the church and we'd migrate to a new group. I remember twice that we left when the pastor adorned the stage with a "building barometer". Several people lost their homes because of over pledging funds to build a bigger church. I think this gave me a clue that all may not be as it seems.

My earliest memory of church was as a young kid when we lived in Cyprus (max 5yrs old). We went to two different churches each Sunday, I remember only one - called the pop church because they gave us pop! Something we never got at home. I thought that a great reason for going to church. I remember nothing about the other church.

Jumping forward to the Pentecostal scene in New Zealand (~10 yrs old) I remember seeing a movie about the rapture and the end times in church called 'A thief in the night'. It scared both my sister and I into being good little Xians for a few months, terrified that our folks would be taken one day while we were at school. My sister still believes this.

Living a fairly isolated childhood - few friends and no TV - I never really thought about the validity of the baby Gee and his cohorts. I was used to watching people speak in tongues, fall over from the spirit of the lord at healing services, dance around the room in a conga line singing "God's got an army marching through the land", etc. Every so often I would feel myself getting caught up in the emotional high of such events - and that scared me because even as an adolescent I knew from experience that once the high subsided there would be nothing of substance supporting it, and you would begin to look forward to getting the next high. Pretty soon I saw th necessity of protecting myself by becomming detached and thereby able to view these services as a spectator sport.

I wonder if this is experience is the reason I have never had an interest in drugs or alcohol. Never thought of that before.....

Anyway as I became more and more detached, I began to see how irrational these people were. I tried listening to some sermons, but would not last 30 seconds before objecting to something said. Of course questions were never invited. So I switched off, sat in the back row and created word puzzles. Occasionally I managed to sneak a book into church and spend the time reading some 'real' fiction! What a treat.

At this time (15 ish) almost everyone I knew socially was Xian, I knew I was different but not how. So I considered myself agnostic. I was embarrassed to discuss Xianity because I thought the concepts were primitive and logically weak to the point of imbecilic. Yet the people I respected were enthusiastic believers. I still struggle with this paradox today.

For about the next twenty years I slowly descended (ascended?) along this continuum of agnosticism toward implicit atheism. I guess I have called myself an atheist for about five years now, and fervently enjoy the release from intellectual hypocrisy. I do not enjoy being a minority of one in my family (and in-laws), and hope that one day I might actually attract some company into the light of reason. To be fair though my family do not ostracize me because of my lack of belief. We are, at least to this point, adult about the topic.

My recent activism was sparked by a conversation with my sister wherein she espoused views on the abomination of homosexual marriage, and the imminent demise of evolution. Since then I have spent many hours reading and writing - much on this blog. As I read and write, the more grows my thirst for debate an knowledge. To this end I am publishing an email thread with my family at my web site www.heathenz.bravehost.com.

American Atheists is the first (political?) organisation I have ever joined, and I am proud (but not preachy) to literally be a card carrying atheist, although I have yet to work out how to use it effectively.

How does one explain the life of a psychic genius on the verge of insanity?

My mother always said she never could get us kids to believe in Santa Claus. We were taking our ques from her, but she didn’t know it. She tried in her life to get with Jesus, but the hypocrisy insulted her, and she eventually fell into senile dementia, where such things apparently have no value.

My father was a war hero who saw a lot of combat in WWII. According to some, it’s a miracle he survived and thus his children were lucky to exist. That’s me, very very lucky!

My earliest memory of religion is of a visit to a church when I was about the age of eight. I went with a friend. I had heard about church, but my folks were too busy to be church- goers, and disinclined to begin with, even though there were religious types in the family…first and foremost my father’s mother. I can recall my cousin Herb preaching some during a visit to our house, and my father cutting him off with a stern admonishment…”I made my peace with God in a foxhole back in 1942…”

When I was about thirteen, my mother dragged my brothers and I to a Baptist church. It seems that we had been reading National Lampoon and Penthouse, and she was worried about our moral development. I casually riddled the Sunday school with questions, and was asked not to return. My younger brother, however, was baptized…something I was not quiet about.

It would seem that I’ve been an atheist all my life, but that is not true. I was a searcher, and an agnostic. I cannot say that my psychic experiences do not have a "spiritual" side to them. Even today I can only consider myself a virtual atheist, as I still contend that there is a microscopic chance of the existence of at least a superior being. My life has been an effort to sort out my personal experiences and examine them as logically as I can, and I have done this basically through the art of writing.

I was born in East St. Louis, and spent my teen years in the Ozarks. I went to Northern California with the Air force and stayed about twenty years. I moved around, working for various companies, Reno, Los Angeles, Omaha (!)…all the while seeking enough solitude to create a works of art. It takes a lot of drinking…

In fact, I wasn’t really confronted with religion in my life until I got to know the bottle. I was married to a woman who swung like a pendulum from Jesus to Joy Juice. Studying her was a revelation, and that is when my agnosticism began to tip into virtual atheism.

Anyway, the small novel I wrote was indeed my effort to sort out the oddities of my life, and to portray the madness associated with those who seek to understand what cannot be conceived. I don’t write as creatively anymore, mostly due to 9/11 and my quest for truth in cyberspace…but I do try to make my bloggings enjoyable.

I like this blog and I appreciate the folks that post here. I’m surprised that so many of the members here started out in church. I credit the Web with helping atheists to come out into the open, and I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to know that I ain’t pregnant.

I think that most of us here are people who question the status quo. A lot of you are non-conforminsts - but I am a person who really tries to fit in. My atheism makes that difficult, at times, but it's worth it!

I try to fit in, because as a child I felt like I wasn't part of mainstream America - really, my family was pretty much poor white trash!

I was raised in a Pentecostal, filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues church. (Mostly Assembly of God)

I REALLY believed! I was so serious about my religion - "saved" at age 7, baptised soon after. I did all the Pentecostal things, went to revivals, healing services, spoke in tongues, got "slain in the spirit," etc.

I LOVED church! It was a safe place for me - my hone wasn't. Even though my church was very conservative, I never felt like I couldn't question things. I remember my Sunday School teacher (the preacher's wife) teaching a lesson on wives submitting to husbands. This was the late 70's and a lot of us teen girls objected to that! She let us give our opinions and nicely explained what the Bible meant on this subject.

Then, in my Jr. and Sr. year of high school, in my little po-dunk small southern town in western Florida, I had a couple of teachers who opened my mind. Had a gen-u-wine liberal who called herself "Ms." The husband of my humanities teacher was a professor in a local college. He came and talked to us about philosophy. WOW! Decartes, Nietsche, "I think, therefore I am" - these were things I had never heard of!

I read "Exodus" by Leon Uris. Before that, I only thought of Jews as being the biblical "children of Israel." Toyed with the idea of becoming Jewish - even studied Hebrew for a semester. All this opened up my mind to realize that not EVERYONE in the world was a Xian, and made me begin to question my own beliefs. (Darn knowledge!! Gets in the way of keeping people holy!)

I had a gradual lessening of my beliefs. Tried a few different churches, but nothing felt right. Declared myself agnostic. Sometimes I'd tell people I was an atheist - just so they'd say, "You're kidding! Are you REALLY?" Then I'd get to say, "Yes, I am - swear to GOD!" Just to get a reaction!

One day I found the American Atheist website, and read EVERYTHING on it! I came across an article about being and atheist vs. being an agnostic, and decided that I was truly and completely an atheist.

I am really happy being an atheist. I do wish there was something after death, but I know that my wishing won't make it true. It's hard to fit in sometimes, but none of my close friends are religious fanatics, so they accept me. Nothing is better than living a life seeking REAL knowledge, looking for the REAL truth, and appreciating every precious second we have.

HeatheNZ -

Nice to know there are other recovered Pentecostals out there!

pixel,

I can't believe you were 'slain in the spirit'. I've always wanted to ask somone objective what actually happens? Are you just faking? Do you really lose your ability to stand? It in a really bizarre spectacle to watch a line of otherwise average people one by one start to sway and then just collapse.

And what about the speaking in tongues stuff? I liked to judge how inventive people were in their variations. Typically it just sounded like random sylables. what was your experience?

This thread is great. I'm especially impressed with the late bloomers who were able to overcome so many years of blind belief. I'm also tickled by the idea of a fundie reading this thread, wringing his hands as he gleans little phsycological nuggets from our stories, totally unaware that it would be much more productive to point that psychology inward.

Karen asked:
Why do people who are otherwise so smart, believe?

This is something I used to think about for hours. I never came up with a good answer, but Michael Shermer helped me out. He said that smart people are really good at rationalizing things they came to believe for not so smart reasons.

Soundenizer,

Has a christian ever accused you of being a victim of the devil? I could easily see a christian hearing your story and thinking that Satan tormented you in your dreams to get you to turn your back on god.

I was raised Jewish. My parents wern't particularly religious, but they tried to raise me to be. I went through the motions, went to Henrew School, and got Bar-Mitzvahed because that's what was expected, but
I was never a believer. Not even when I was in Kindergarten.
I remember believing in the Tooth Fair for a couple of years, because the money I found under my pil